Author: Román Leão

  • Charges [poema]

    I wandered back to
    the shop, gunpowder
    and cement dust in
    my hair, grabbed a cup
    of burnt coffee and
    listened to old Ben
    Greenwood jaw a while.

    He was tomcattin’
    with some poor fool’s wife
    in Meridian,
    Mississippi, back
    in the tarpapered
    nights of roadhouses
    built on dirt levees.

    I listened awhile
    and nodded in all
    the right places then
    left him still talking
    to grab cartridges.
    Green ones have the punch
    of a .22.

    McElroy, he had
    a partner in ’Nam
    who would collect ears,
    which didn’t bother
    Mac till after work when
    his wine would whisper
    how fucked-up that is.

    Acceptance is part
    of pressing a gun
    up against a rock
    wall and pulling the
    trigger. Sometimes nails
    hit buried rebar
    and come shooting back.

    Or a big charge can
    shatter the concrete
    like a bomb. Most times,
    however, they stick
    in the rock like an
    exclamation point.
    Or a memory.

  • Asylum (Padrão dos Descobrimentos) [poema]

    Even as children, we suspected our world
    was broken—as if our hometown had been lifted
    and dropped from a much higher place.
    Everyday during the long summers we explored
    the edges of the pieces—the spots
    where the pattern no longer matched up.

    Thirty years later, it’s harder to get up
    the motivation to get out and map the world,
    to find the forgotten corners and secret spots.
    The veil of mystery has been lifted,
    and the edge of the continent explored.
    The great unknown now muffled by a sense of place.

    From Yerba Buena to Eureka, I thought I had found the place
    to put down roots—and as many times—I pulled them up.
    A privateer, up and down the coast I wandered,
    only to miss the hidden parts of the world.
    No longer lost, my spirits are still lifted
    when I think about those magic spots.

    Days spent in rapture until our eyes saw spots,
    we rode from place to place.
    As we grew, our dreams were lifted,
    until too soon—we just grew up.
    It’s every man’s destiny to make his way in the world,
    and every boy’s to forget the land he conquered.

    Down in the creeks and ravines we explored,
    searching for those perfect spots
    away from the bustle of the world.
    We were driven to find a mystic place,
    somewhere where the rules were not put up,
    and our pirate banner could be lifted.

    With found bits of lumber are battlements yet lifted
    into treetops no longer noticed or surveyed?
    The old men below don’t bother to look up,
    knowing that gazing into the sun pays nothing but blindness.
    With everything marked and in its proper place,
    wonder fades into the background of the world.

    If only the veil of maturity could be lifted up,
    and we could again see the world as an enchanted place.
    The places we knew as youth could provide asylum
    even for the grown.

    Published in The Hot Air Quarterly, Number Sixteen

    Photo/Ray Larsen

  • Rocket Science [poema]

    We are not standing still
    We sail the slender edge of a sphere
    Spinning through space
    At a thousand miles an hour

    What if when we die our spirits are merely flung
    Like a stone into the sky?

    Like feathers from a hawk ascending
    Like fireworks marking an epoch ending
    Like rockets, their trajectory bending

    Ultimately back to ground

    Photo/Ray Larsen

  • The River [poema]

    The shattered granite banks of the Klamath
    have been rounded by time—more time
    than I can imagine, though I try—and water.
    If the steelhead would show and were
    in a talkative mood, they would tell me
    something about patience, although perhaps
    through their absence, they are still trying to teach.

    This, I have down. I could stand in this cold
    current all day, all year, forever; what
    else could be this perfect? As an eagle
    flies overhead and a pair of black bears
    roam the far shore; all I am missing are things
    that don’t matter, and you. Where are you?
    How could days be so sublime and disconsolate?

    I still have a lot to learn from this river.
    The sharp edges of where whole escarpments
    have sheared off from my heart have yet to be
    smoothed over. Landslides neither foreseen
    or witnessed, but devastating in their force, await
    the healing touch of water. Meanwhile, distant stars
    are my cold companions.

    Photo/Ray Larsen

  • Tears Are Saltwater [poema]

    The bridge is at a standstill

    Protestors cast their keys before them
       Over the steel railing
          Into the bystander Bay
             To be swallowed by sturgeon
                And checked over by crabs

    Imagine that chirping in the background
       The unexpected result
          Of deep-water exoskeletal investigations

    Halfway across the world atrocities continue unabated

    As Dungeness poke at newfound fobs
       As headlights flash on and off unconsidered
          And batteries slowly die
             Their future corroding away
                By the minute

    We wait, hoping for the slack tide to return

  • Spirit (for Etel Adnan) [poema]

    Spirit is a river
    rolling relentless
    through the night,
    through the dark.

    Sometimes (like the Rouge,
    like the Buffalo,
    like the Schuylkill,
    like the Cuyahoga),
    the river catches
    fire.

  • Ameixeira (Plum Tree) [poema]

    Up on a high branch, ebony crows are at it;
    Fighting amongst themselves over the plump, ripe fruits
    That float in their bright green firmament, flashing
    Like Palerindas falling from a piñata at the park.

    Can’t those birds see there is more than enough for all?
    Such a wasted abundance that broken orbs squish
    Up between my toes in the cool mornings as I
    Move to water the strawberries and tomatoes.

    As a murder alights in the sycamore shade,
    I tire of the squall and squabble from above.
    Plucking a ripe bullet from its stem, I marvel
    At iridescent reds and purples.

    I’ve chosen my weapon to fit its flawless form.
    In the afternoon heat, the leather pocket smells
    Of sacred summers, of baseball mitts, and sandals,
    And even of old bears passing down on Castro Street.

    The yellow surgical tubing pulls tight and sings,
    Its potential energy not to be tied off.
    Today my cause is righteous and with careful aim
    And consideration for the wind, I let fly.

    Bang! The neighbors’ car windshield takes the hit. No harm,
    No foul; no one coming out, thank God. The corvos
    Grasp the sky in a black panic to continue
    Their argument elsewhere. All is right. All is plum.

    Published in California Quarterly, Vol. 35, No. 4

  • Sunset Park—Paul Auster

    New Yorker book critic James Wood once wrote an article about quintessential—and now sadly lamented—New York author Paul Auster that masqueraded as a synopsis of a new novel before revealing itself as a parody using the tropes that the writer was known for.

    Intellectual male protagonist with a dark sense of loss? Check. Violent accident? Check. Doppelgangers akimbo? Check Check.

    The back-and-forth argument as to whether Auster was merely doing what postmodernist writers do, i.e., borrow liberally from popular culture as to point out the foibles of modern life and paucity of new ideas in the face of existential crisis, or has succumbed to the greasy but comforting business of slinging familiar fare like a grizzled line cook on the graveyard shift had all but killed my desire to read another Auster novel ever since taking all that in. That was a shame.

    I discovered Auster late and had jumped into the deep end quite quickly, devouring In the Country of Last Things, Leviathan, The Book of Illusions, and Oracle Night in short order. Maybe Wood was right, and Auster had become somewhat of a one-trick pony, but if it’s a good trick, what the hell? The weird thing? Wood’s parody actually sounded pretty good. Which brings us to Sunset Park.

    Auster’s novel starts out like a parody of the parody, sort of a literary “fuck you” to the critics. We find twenty-eight-year-old Miles Heller mucking out foreclosures in Florida in his seventh year of self-imposed exile from his family after dropping out of college. Heller’s dark sense of loss stems from accidentally pushing his stepbrother in front of a speeding car while arguing on the side of a winding road in the Berkshires.

    Heller is pretty screwed up, and although characters male and female seem to be powerless before his supposed charms, he’s not a sympathetic enough protagonist to hang a novel upon. He may have actually offed his brother on purpose, and he is carrying on with—that is to say, sodomizing—a seventeen-year-old Cuban girl.

    It’s easy to see how Heller could have been emotionally stunted by his brother’s death, and the girl, Pilar Sanchez, is about the same age as he was when the break occurred. As hard as Auster tries to give their relationship credibility, gifting Sanchez with above-average intelligence and insatiable curiosity, it is unseemly when she refers to her various orifices as the off-limits mommy hole, and the A-OK funny hole.

    Given that this is an Auster book, this strange relationship is mirrored in the backstory of one of Heller’s roommates once he’s forced to retreat back to New York by a greedy, and possibly jealous, older Sanchez girl upon threat of incarceration for statutory rape.

    An old friend of Heller’s, the bearish Bing Nathan, and a group of like-minded twenty-somethings have opened up a squat in the seedy Sunset Park district just in time for Heller’s exile.

    Ellen Brice, a woman who “projected an aura of anxiety and defeat,” had been impregnated at twenty by a sixteen-year-old who she had supposed to be watching. Brice, while physically and emotionally understated, is perhaps the key to Sunset Park.

    Auster’s novel is ultimately about depression, both national and personal, and the poor judgment that can arise from being in that state of mind. He has placed his box of broken crayons smack down in the financial meltdown of 2008; the national malaise mirrors the feeling of Heller’s peers who have burned through their initial promise, and are now adrift.

    The third squatmate, Alice Bergstrom, is neck deep in her dissertation for Columbia. She has become obsessed by William Wyler’s 1946 film, The Best Years of Our Lives; a film that examines the difficulties soldiers returning from WWII had relating to domestic life once again.

    Heller and company don’t have the monolithic bummer of a world at war, but they do have the collapse of a system that was to provide each and every one of them a chance at the American Dream. It is interesting that among his peers, only the vindictive Sanchez sister, a recent immigrant, has the balls to grab a hold and squeeze what she can out of what little she is presented with.

    Within all this, Auster weaves a thematic thread involving baseball pitchers; especially those who showed great promise then flamed out, often tragically. For my money, if you’re a New York author and you’re going to use baseball as a metaphor to describe the human condition, then you’re going to have to go up against Don DeLillo’s masterful set piece that opens Underworld.

    That masterwork transcended any interest one might, or might not have, in the detailed ephemera of the national sport. In the shadow of DeLillo’s big game, Auster’s pitch falls low and outside. Or maybe that’s the point.

    Henry Holt and Co.

  • Which Brings Me to You—Steve Almond & Julianna Baggott

    After coming dangerously close to blowing hot coffee out of my nose while reading Steve Almond’s Not That You Asked, I decided to dive a little deeper into his (sure to be twisted) oeuvre. Swimming around, I bumped into this book, a novel of letters co-written by sometime (and, as quickly becomes apparent, sometimes not) children’s book author Julianna Baggott.

    It’s a conceit that could have ended up too clever by half, but is so well handled that I kicked myself for not thinking of it first. The story begins—like most Hugh Grant movies—at a wedding. I was hooked after the very first line, “I know my own kind. We’re obvious to each other. I suppose this is true of other kinds, too: military brats, for example, anarchists, mattress salesmen, women who got ponies as birthday gifts.”

    Jane ruminates while spying John standing under a white crepe paper wedding bell, “My own kind. I’m not sure there’s a name for us. I suspect we’re born this way: our hearts screwing in tight, already a little broken. We hate sentimentality and yet we’re deeply sentimental.” Sound like anyone you know?

    The two are drawn to each other like cracked magnets—repelling those they should be attracting, yet powerless to avoid the collision with their harmonious defect.

    After a furtive and aborted liaison in a cloakroom—the pair pulls apart long enough to realize that hooking up with a stranger under a bunch of outerwear would be a mutual mistake in two long, sad trains of mistakes—they hatch a plan to exchange letters confessing their respective tragic love lives. The sense that both of them know that this encounter just may be their last best chance permeates the already stuffy coat check.

    “No e-mail.”

    “Absolutely,” he says. “Real letters. Ink. Paper. The whole deal. We’ll be like the pioneers, waiting by our windows for the Pony Express. In bonnets.”

    John kicks things off with the story of Jodi Dunne, his first love at sixteen. Almond nails the tentative stirrings of romance fighting against the poison tide of peer and familial pressure, social awkwardness, and “erotic incompetence” that make up everyone’s high school years.

    Almond’s doppelganger proves his commitment to the spirit of full disclosure by recounting an unfortunate (and nearly geometrically impossible) incident wherein he ejaculates into his own mouth and gives himself, “as known in porn circles,” the Pirate Eye.

    Now, if I hadn’t read Almond’s harrowing tales of his own sexual awakening, I would have called gratuitous bullshit and might have given up on this character, but that would have been a mistake.

    Jane fires back with her tale of Asbury Park boys and a brooding and doomed muscle car driving boyfriend, and we’re off to the races. “Michael Hanrahan was something that I hoped would happen. In fact, I hoped he’s gone off like a bomb in my life, obliterating most everything except me, still standing, albeit charred and dizzy.”

    By the time we find them back at the wedding, “charred and dizzy” describes the state of both characters having weathered romantic disaster after romantic disaster. Will they be able to put it all behind them and start anew, one more time? Or are their respective personnel files too stuffed with abject failure to recommend advancement? Come to think of it, get Hugh Grant’s agent on the phone!

    Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill

    Also by this author:
    (Not That You Asked): Rants, Exploits, and Obsessions

  • Shit From an Old Notebook: Love is… Car Bombs and Margaritas

    When a milestone birthday approached like a runaway Peterbuilt on the downhill grade from Tahoe, my soul-daughter Annalise decided to either try and lessen the impending impact by helping me create a protective layer of fat, or mercifully take me out of the equation all together by means of a massive myocardial infarction.

    To this end she drove down from Ft. Bragg with a platter, a plethora, a platoon of the most amazing, delicious, and decadent to the extent of actually being depraved, cupcakes I have ever had the pleasure of stuffing into my gob.

    The bulk of my bulk will have been made of the incredible Irish Car Bombs—named after the drink which includes, as does the cupcake, Guinness stout, Bailey’s Irish cream and Bushmills Irish whiskey.

    When we illegally parked behind the Kentfield police substation for the handoff of these lil’ beauties (the last place the revenuers would look), the treats were still off-gassing enough alcohol fumes to warrant a breathalyzer test had I been pulled over.

    The unholy trinity of Guinness/chocolate cake, an actually explosive whiskey/chocolate “ganache” filling (which I have since learned is French for jowl, those goddamned French), and a Bailey’s buttercream frosting perfectly combine to warm the heart, and bloodstream, of any good Fenian gourmand.

    Unsatisfied with planting a giant plate of chocoholic IEDs in and around my personage, the payload came with a smaller satellite stack of margarita cupcakes. Just as strong. Just as tasty. Is this numbness in my arm bad?